The Status of My Relationship with God, part 3

And finally, part 3. Find part 1 here [x]. And part 2 here [x].

When I left Chicago, I was really discouraged about finding a church in Monroe. And once, I got to Monroe, I gave up hope in finding a church that would make me feel like I belonged. There are pretty much two options here: Southern Baptist and Pentecostal. There's a handful of others, including a Methodist church and a couple Catholic churches. But there are so many Baptist churches. And the Pentecostal churches have pretty big congregations from what I can tell. These churches were not going to have the same values that I had loved about my church in Chicago. These were traditional, conservative churches, and I am neither of these things.

When I am home for the weekend or short visits, I will attend the youth and young adult services at the church in which I grew up. But I cannot go to the Sunday services any longer. The two out of the last three times that I attended on a Sunday I got up and left part way through the service. And the other time, I wanted to leave, but I was sitting with someone I know to whom I didn't feel comfortable explaining myself. I questioned the necessity of attending church regularly for a while. And the sad thing is that I have come to realize why church is something one should partake in regularly. But I don't, simply, because I do not have a place that feeds my spiritual needs that reflects the values that I have.

So, where am I now? I have been listening to the podcast of the services that my church in Chicago puts out. I don't have a regular schedule for doing that yet, but it's something that I have been making an effort to put into my weekly routine. Perhaps those podcasts can be something that I write about here in the future. I also have the sporadic youth and young adult services that I attend back home. I am not radio silent with God like I was a few years ago, but there are several things that I am working through. Trying to understand how my worldview and religious/spiritual life can coexist is far from easy.

I know that my time in Monroe is quickly ending. By this time next year, I will be moving somewhere else in the country to start my doctorate. I have started looking for churches that reflect the values that I have (without getting too crazy), and since they are almost all in larger cities, I am having some luck. For now, I am making due with what I've got, and I'm taking it all day-by-day.

Until next time,
<3 Amber Marie