As promised, this is part two to the timeline of my relationship with church and God. I left off with finding a church in Chicago, so I'm just going to jump right in. If you haven't read part 1, click here [x].
Finding a church in Chicago turned out to be a lot harder than I'd anticipated. Chicago is huge. I knew this, of course. But because it was so big, trying to find a church was daunting. I had really only ever attended two churches--the one I'd grown up in and my grandparent's church. There were denominations, locations, sizes, and traditional versus contemporary to consider. Luckily, my roommate was interested in finding a church too. One Saturday night in September, we finally decided on a church. It was a mega-church (6000 people there on a Sunday morning), but it had a promising college ministry. We went to service the next morning, and I did not like it. There were too many people. There was a program that had every minute planned out. And I don't know if it just happened to be the service that we went to, but they had some sort of induction for new members of the church. Like member members, the special elite club of the church. The ceremony took up quite a bit of time--there were like 50 people--that could probably have been spent on something more spiritual. I know that a lot of churches have membership like that, but it felt like something meant to condemn those who weren't part of the club. (And in any case, I, personally, don't think that a membership like that is something to be paraded in front of the rest of the congregation for the sake of exclusion.) Anyway, despite the both of us disliking the main service, we decided to check out the college service on Thursday.
The college service turned out to be pretty great. The service included a meal, worship, a short sermon from a great pastor, and then a small groups session. The first time we attended, we were greeted by really friendly people. They all seemed genuinely interested in getting to know us. The food was delicious. We noticed that about 2/3 of the group attended the church's bible college, but that didn't mean much to us at first. After we'd been going regularly for about a month, my roommate inquired about joining the worship team. By this time, we had joined a small group. We were making the donation asked for for the meal because we considered ourselves part of the group and no longer visitors.
One week, my roommate was sick and decided not to make the 45 minute trip to the service, so I went alone. That is when I noticed some things. Immediately, everyone was asking where my roommate was, but no one could remember her name, not even our small group leaders. (There were only 6 of us in the group!) I noticed that people kept asking me where I went to school and what my major was even thought I'd already told them 2 or 3 times. I was an observer to the conversations going on because they all went to school together, and even though I'd shared information about myself, no one made any effort to include me. I told my roommate about the experience, but she said not to think much of it because we had only been there 4 or 5 times. Then, I got scheduled to work one Thursday, and I couldn't get out of it. My roommate was going to play in the worship band that night, so she went without me. That night, she told me that the same things that I'd experienced had happened to her too. I decided, then, that I wasn't going back. I felt bad because I had a decent relationship with my roommate at the time, and I wanted to support her in the band, but I didn't want to be a part of a group that only made superficial connections. I sort of held out hope, though. As a part of small groups, we exchanged emails with everyone. I hoped that my absence would be noticed and that I'd receive an email from someone to check in with me. I hoped that they would prove me wrong. They didn't. I never got an email from anyone. And when my roommate stopped showing up for worship team practice, she never got a call to see what was up. We were both disappointed, and I was left very discouraged. I didn't think I'd be able to find a church in Chicago.
I started 2013 without a church to call home, but I was no longer concerned with finding one. I decided that I was going to focus on school and working. Besides, church would just interfere with me being able to work, and I needed all the money I could get; Chicago is expensive. I made it through the end of my junior year, and I was pretty happy with my life. I stayed in Chicago that summer, and I found that I had a bit of free time on my hands. I was working two retail jobs, but if you know retail, then you know that the shifts are varying lengths and can be cancelled or added in the blink of an eye. Around the beginning of July, I started my search for a church again. At this point I was thinking that Chicago was going to be my home beyond graduation in the following May, so I decided to try to find a church to which I could make a commitment.
---Before I talk about the church that I found that summer, I need to address something. Even before I left for college, I was questioning the stances that I had been raised around for a number of different topics. One of the biggest was the acceptance, or lack thereof, of LGBTQIA+ individuals. I do not wish to create any divides or start an arguments about this topic. But this topic is important to me for a variety of reasons. I understand that not everyone shares my viewpoint, but I don't think that that necessarily means we have to cease communication.---
One thing that was very important to me was that the church be accepting of LGBTQIA+ individuals. People in my life had been hurt by 'Christians' who did nothing but shame them and yell at them and degrade them. I did not want to be a part of a congregation that was affiliated with any behavior like that. Honestly, when this became an important issue for me, I didn't even know if there were churches that were accepting of LGBTQIA+ individuals. But you can count on Chicago to have just about anything you can think of. (Except Cane's and Izzo's...I really missed chicken fingers and roll-your-own burritos while I was there. And Chipotle is not the same or as good as Izzo's!)
In July, while I was riding on the L, I noticed an advertisement for a church. It said something like 'tattoos welcome, suits welcome.' A few days later, I saw another one that said 'gay welcome, straight welcome.' I decided that I needed to check this place out. When I got home, I visited the church's website. This church was very different than what I was used to. It was a church made up of four satellites. They satellites were spread out over the city, so I clicked the link for the one closest to me. It was about 25 minutes from my first apartment in Chicago, which was where I was still living at this point, and it was 45 minutes from my second apartment. The church met in the huge multi-purpose room in a retirement home. It was affiliated with the United Methodist church. And the pastor was a woman.
Did you get all of that? Now, what kind of church did I grow up in? Typical church with its own property and buildings. Hundreds of people on a regular Sunday. Conservative/non-denominational/Evangelical. Male pastor.
The differences are actually what inspired me to go. The first time around, I really wanted to find a church that was similar to home, so that I would feel comfortable. Granted that isn't what happened, I think that I got hung up on finding something like home that I wasn't open to different even though I was different. I summoned up the courage, and I went on the adventure to find this church. It wasn't that hard to find from my first apartment, just one bus to ride. When I arrived, I was directed through the side door of the retirement home and then down a hall to the room where the service was held. There was a table with Sharpies, name tags, programs, and sign-up sheets. The greeters were very friendly, and I immediately felt comfortable. I made myself a name tag, and I was given a program with a tear-off that I was asked to fill out. The room was filled with about 200 chairs. They were the stackable cushioned kind that every multi-purpose room has. They had a guitarist/worship leader, a bassist, a bongos player, and a back-up vocalist who were practicing in one corner. There was a sort of platform in the center with a music rest and a narrow table on top. Along the back, there was a table with coffee, tea, water, fruit, and various breakfasty pastries. I found a seat, and I filled in the tear-off. While I was filling in my tear-off, the pastor came up to me and introduced herself. She asked me a little about myself, and then she told me that she would talk to me after and we could set up a time to meet for coffee. I was kind of taken aback once she walked away because the pastor had made it her duty to come up and talk to me, and she had a desire to get to know those who come to her services.
The service started off like I was used to, but even the worship team had their own little flair. They had a philosophy that the song did not have to necessarily be from a Christian artist in order to praise God. In later weeks, I would learn that even Katy Perry can be sung with praise to God. Also, there was a gospel day, and it was probably my favorite service there. And now, I'm off topic. Anyway, After worship, they do what's called a 'Passing of the Peace' where you greet people around you and say something like "Peace be with you." Then they go through a little introduction of the church and its mission of being bold, inclusive, and relevant. They give a few announcements, and then they take up the offering. Right before they pray for the offering, they bring someone up who gets named 'The Holy Tear-er," who leads everyone in tearing off the sheet in the program. The tear-offs and the offering money all go in the baskets.
After offering, someone gives a testimony. The pastor contacts someone ahead of time and has them prepare a testimony, if they feel comfortable. The testimonies were always my favorite part. (Side note: It's something I wish was done more at other churches. The testimonies were always relatable and about normal people. A lot of times, I feel like pastors only allow testimonies of a fantastical nature. It's not that they aren't true, they're just harder for majorities to apply to their lives.) The person who gives the testimony prays and then reads to passage that the sermon is based on. Then the pastor gives the sermon. After the sermon, someone, sometimes the pastor and sometimes someone else, talks about The Last Supper and the meaning of the Eucharist. They break the bread and bless the juice. Then they lead the congregation in The Lord's Prayer. Volunteers, who were recruited right before service, create three stations where the congregation can receive Communion. When you reach the bread, a piece is broken off and given to you. Then you dunk the bread in the cup. Once you eat the bread, there is a short time for prayer. There are two tables with candles that you can light during that time, too.
After Communion, there is one more song. Then we're dismissed. During my first visit, I met with the pastor to set up a time for coffee. After I'd been there a few weeks, I would talk with a few people in the Bible study class group thing that I did for six weeks. This church was certainly different than what I was used to, but I was comfortable. And I felt like I was getting something out of being there.
Hindsight is 20/20, and I now wish that I had been more diligent with my attendance after I moved farther away. I kept it up for a few months. Then the bus schedule changed which meant that I was getting there 45 minutes early or 5 minutes late. Then there was the Winter of 2013-2014, which really made me not want to travel that far. But now, I really wish I had pushed through. But something that made this church different than the one I'd tried with my roommate was that when I didn't come for a few weeks, the pastor emailed me to check in. I made sure that I made it to church the next week.
When I knew that I was leaving Chicago, I made it a point to go to church one last time. I'd already told those that I knew that I wasn't going to be around a lot the last month or so because of school and graduation and moving, but that I would be back before I left. When I made that last visit, there was another member that was moving, so they had a special prayer for the two of us. I knew that I was really going to miss that place and the people that gathered there.
Okay, so, looks like this will need a third part. I got a little detailed with Chicago...oops. The third part should be pretty short, but I think that this one is long enough.
Until next time,
<3 Amber Marie
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