I am taking a mental break from the reading that is to be accomplished before week 3 of school begins. The last article I read was so dense that I began to think that it was really just saying the same thing over and over again. Then I realized I had just read the same sentence five times.
So, work is frustrating me a bit as of late. For the upcoming work week, which begins on Sunday, I have one call-in shift. The call-in shift, which is a shift that I have to call and ask if they want me to come in for, is a three hour shift. So, I have one, not-guaranteed three-hour shift in a seven-day work week. That does not pay the bills. I understand that I work in retail, and that payroll hours vary from week-to-week. That's not what I find frustrating. I find it frustrating that I now need to find another job to make up for weeks like this. I tried juggling two jobs and a 15-hour course load at school, and it didn't work for a variety of reasons. I couldn't get the jobs to cooperate with each other in terms of scheduling; that contributed to my stress at school, which caused me to fall behind. And all of that lead me to drop a class and quit one job. I am terrified that finding a second job with my 18-hour course load is another recipe for disaster, which may affect me graduating. But, alas, I need money to be able to live in Chicago through graduation. So, yeah. Guess I'll be job hunting in my limited free time. Wish me luck. (Oh, and my closest friend at work is leaving in favor of an adult job. So, that sucks for me.)
School...oh, school. I have only had two full weeks of school, and the work just keeps piling on. Dense article need read, and countless reading reflections/reactions/analyses need writing; EVERY SINGLE WEEK. I thought taking a bunch of classes on similar topics would help because the overlapping content would reinforce each other, and thus, it would be easier to remember. Instead, I am finding myself reading a dozen different views of the same concept, and it is not making it any easier to understand the complex, abstract idea that is 'the self.' I do have to say that I only have one class that I don't thoroughly enjoy though, and ironically, the one I'm not enjoying is in my chosen field. Oops! I think my favorite class is Intro to Women and Gender Studies. The social ideology of gender and gender roles and the degree to which it is engrained in everyone's daily lives is fascinating.
With all that has been said, you might be wondering what kind of life I could have outside of work and school. That's precisely the point. I have no social life to speak of, at the moment. I find myself not replying to the group text messages from my friends and have entire conversations going on around me that I am not, and cannot, partake in because I have no time and/or I will have a hard time getting back on track to what needs to get done. My DZ alumnae group has had activities that I can't go to because I am either in a night class or doing massive amounts of homework. I am used to seeing friends at least once a week because we had class together. Now, I haven't had quality time with them in two weeks. I am having a hard time adjusting. I have never been a person that thrives on social interaction, and I very much enjoy my time to myself. But I really only enjoy it when it's self-imposed. I don't like it when it's forced on me due to other obligations.
Everyone keeps telling me that it's my last semester, and that they know I can do it, and that I'll be free in May and on and on. And I know all of that is true. One way or another, May 2, 2014 will happen. But what state will I be in by that point? Sometimes it sucks to be a pessimist. But hopefully, I will have figured out the balancing act, and have made it through this semester with only minor psychological damage (lol).
I apologize for the long complaint that is this post. I apologize to everyone who listens to these complaints on a regular basis. I am trying to not complain as much. I know it cannot be a pleasant thing to hear.
I do not like not feeling that I'm in control of the things occurring in my life, and I certainly do not feel that level of control at the moment.
BLAH.
On that note...
<3 Amber Marie
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